Almost about an year ago I wrote about the dilemma of having a second child or not. And early this year, somehow me and DH decided that we shall not have another child. We discussed and talked for long before arriving at this decision. With both of us working, we are giving practically next to no time to Anirudh during weekdays. And having another child meant further division of such measly time between the two of them. Which we both felt was not a wise idea.
The option of me staying back home was ruled out completely looking at how irritated and frustrated I felt when I was home for 4-5 months last year. I had initially thought that I would make good use of this break from work but I realised I'm not cut out for being a home maker. House chores bore me way too much! I wanted to get back to work ASAP. I wanted to go out of the house and feel contented when I would step back into the house again. Well, there were days when I would feel happy after coming back home but that was only after a shopping spree :D
There were days when I would be all happy and chirpy in the morning when I would wake up but the moment I would see hubby and Betu leave for office and school respectively, I would start feeling depressed. My moods kept going through this off and on phase for months altogether. And I guess Betu and hubby had to bear the brunt of that. Sorry guys! It was not intentional.
Besides work related stuff, we both felt that I was losing my patience over little little things that Anirudh would do. And if we thought of having another baby, patience would be the first thing that I would definitely need to have.
So after looking and discussing every aspect, we both decided against the second child idea. After lingering on the thoughts for another few weeks finally I decided and gave away all of betu's old clothes away. Some to the child of the guard at his school/daycare and some to an NGO called Goonj which works with and for the poor and the deprived.
Once I had given away the stuff I felt kind of relieved. Partly because I had finally reached a decision and partly because I had less clutter at the house now :)
But why am I talking about all these things which happened more than 4 months ago? Because of an incident that happened last week, a feeling that I went through because of that incident. A thought that crossed my mind and hubby's too when I told him about my feelings. I saw Betu walking towards the house along with his dad last week from a distance. And I kind of felt a sudden lump in my throat. Because my baby did not seem like a baby anymore. He was looking like such a big boy. A really grown up boy. And damn, I missed the baby factor in him. And I thought to myself, we need to get another baby in the house :)
I spoke to hubby again that night about the second child and he agreed that there are times when he wants to have another baby too! In fact about 2 months ago even Betu had shown the desire of having a little baby in the house which will stay with us and not go away as he had seen with little babies visiting us. He would be so so heart broken whenever they would go back with their parents. He would cry and plead for them to stay back with us. And despite us trying to tell him that the baby needs to go back with his/her parents like he stays with his, he just would not listen to us and continue to wail.
So now again we are in a dilemma about the second child. However, there is a difference from the last time. Last time the dilemma was to have a second child or not. But this time we know we SHALL have a second child and the dilemma is WHEN?
Since I've recently gotten back to job, I know I don't want to get pregnant for another 5-6 months. Plus I joke with hubby that my expiry date is nearing, since I'm going to be 33 this year, so we need to decide fast :D
But I am sure that next year will see a new baby in our house :)