During these pondering I also realised that I've become kind of irritated towards him. So to understand myself I thought let me just write it out and then maybe during this course I will realise where am I going wrong and maybe even what can I do to make things better. Some of the things that really irritate me are:
- He asks me if I'm giving betu his medicines regularly or not. It really irritates me. I feel he should know about it as such and instead of taking a status call from me he should probably say that "I'm going to give Betu his medicine and just to make sure you haven't given it already".
- He asks me "Laundry ka batch lagana hai?" And I get irritated and feel like telling him "Can't you see the huge pile of clothes? Don't you think it is required?"
- I don't like it when he points it out and says "Sab samaan faila hua hai. In sabko theek kar do." (Everything is scattered here and there. Just put them properly.) I usually ignore such statement but I'm fuming inside and thinking "If its bothering you so much why don't you do it yourself. Why is it that only I'm supposed to do it?"
- When I ask him to do something, he will always (mark that - 'ALWAYS' ) say "Thodi der mein karta hoon". The moment I hear those words I see red everywhere. Because his 'thodi der' is indefinite. You don't know when his 'thodi der' is gonna be over.
- I feed betu his dinner and DH eats his at the same time. Even when DH is done with his dinner he will never offer that I can have mine now and he will take over feeding betu. I never say anything to him but just fume inside.
- He never offered to bathe betu earlier. Its because I forcefully got him into the habit that he now bathes betu 99% of the times. I used to be angry about it that he never initiates taking over any responsibility. Why do I have to get him into doing it?
- He just refuses to brush Betu's teeth. He simply says "Main yeh nahi kar sakta! Mujhe nahi aata!" We have had fights over this so many times. I tell him that I was also not born with a child in my lap and know everything about how to make him do things. I've also learned it over the time. And if you don't get into it how will you learn. To which he simply says "Nahi, mujhe nahi seekhna! There are certain things which I do not want to do and you should just understand that." But sorry, I just fail to understand any logic behind it.
- When I changed my job, my office timings also changed and now I had to leave home by 8:15 AM. So this leaves me one hour lesser in the mornings. So when I would tell him that why can't you feed Betu his breakfast, he would get angry and say you make the dish and I will feed. And I was like what dish? He usually eats bread toast with butter in the mornings and he eats proper breakfast ast school with his friends. Do I need to even make the simple butter toast and give in your hands and then you will feed him? Sorry, but Betu can eat it on his own. He just needs someone to make it for him. Anyhow, after many rounds of discussions on this issue, he gives Betu his breakfast on the days when I don't but I can see he's not happy about it.
- He will never put the ironed clothes that Dhobi gives back properly. Either he will stuff them in his shelves and never hang them or they will keep lying around for days. The ones he stuffs them his clothes shelves will obviously get crumpled and then he won't wear them and put it in the stack of clothes that need to go to dhobi for ironing.
- I hate it when he leaves around his tea mug or food utensils here and there. I hate it when he leaves around his footwear all over the house. I hate it when he leaves his slippers in front of the bathroom as invariably I almost topple over them.
I can go on and on about what irritates me about him but its not going to make any difference to the current situation. Am I expecting too much? Is it wrong on my part to expect him to self initiate what he does in the house? Is it wrong on my part that I feel angry that he doesn't do anything until I tell him do to so explicitly? Why doesn't he feel from inside himself that something needs to be done and get at it?
I also work full time as he does. Then why is it that its just my responsibility to look after the house and the kid. If not totally, its majorly my responsibility. He just 'helps' me in them. Aren't these his responsibilities too? I've tried many a times just to ignore lot of things and live without any expectations from him. It works good till it lasts. And it doesn't last more than a few days end of which I'm back to square one.
I need to know if you feel I'm unjustified in getting irritated towards DH for any of the 10 points I've listed above. Is it too much I'm asking for? I thought this would be the best way to get unbiased views and opinions on me and my behaviour so that's why I'm here, talking about it openly and publicly.