Whenever I sit idle, my mind starts running crazy! I keep thinking about tons of things. It's like a train of thoughts..one following the other. There's so much to do in life but so little time. There are so many things that I want to do or would like to do but somehow feel tied down by the responsibilities. Responsibilities of a working professional, mother, a wife and so on...
But there are times when I feel I'm giving their names for not being able to do anything just as excuses. And that if I really want to do it I should not be bound by anything. But then I need to be a rebel to fight away from the strings of these relations. Which from practical point of view is just impossible. For me. Probably not for others.
Adjusting with everything and everyone around me is what I learnt after marriage...in a big big way. I had been such a carefree, tomboy before marriage and for me it was such a drastic change to behave coyly and so very feminine. I remember my eldest Jijaji teasing me long before I got married when I had worn a saree for a cousin's wedding. He came to me and told me you are not wearing your jeans but a saree! :P
Anyways, not to drift away from the topic in hand, I always think if I had time I would do this, I would do that. I always wanted to pursue my course in German further. I would love to go trekking..on my own..or with few of my friends! Be part of the evening schools where working children of the poor come to study. These are not even 10% of the things I would want to do. And I always get stuck on the question "How?" So many times I've read that the answer lies within oneself. I've tried but I haven't been able to. So either I'm too blind or too dumb to see the answers. "God, Can you tell me on which organ inside me have you inscribed all the answers?" Ok.. Sorry to be sarcastic. But that’s how I feel when I don't get answers to my questions...when I feel so stuck!
But such an optimist that I am, I know one day for sure I will have a chance to do all..ok not being too boastful....most of the things that I want to do.