Thursday, May 29, 2008

Second child...the dilemma continues...

Almost about an year ago I wrote about the dilemma of having a second child or not. And early this year, somehow me and DH decided that we shall not have another child. We discussed and talked for long before arriving at this decision. With both of us working, we are giving practically next to no time to Anirudh during weekdays. And having another child meant further division of such measly time between the two of them. Which we both felt was not a wise idea.

The option of me staying back home was ruled out completely looking at how irritated and frustrated I felt when I was home for 4-5 months last year. I had initially thought that I would make good use of this break from work but I realised I'm not cut out for being a home maker. House chores bore me way too much! I wanted to get back to work ASAP. I wanted to go out of the house and feel contented when I would step back into the house again. Well, there were days when I would feel happy after coming back home but that was only after a shopping spree :D

There were days when I would be all happy and chirpy in the morning when I would wake up but the moment I would see hubby and Betu leave for office and school respectively, I would start feeling depressed. My moods kept going through this off and on phase for months altogether. And I guess Betu and hubby had to bear the brunt of that. Sorry guys! It was not intentional.

Besides work related stuff, we both felt that I was losing my patience over little little things that Anirudh would do. And if we thought of having another baby, patience would be the first thing that I would definitely need to have.

So after looking and discussing every aspect, we both decided against the second child idea. After lingering on the thoughts for another few weeks finally I decided and gave away all of betu's old clothes away. Some to the child of the guard at his school/daycare and some to an NGO called Goonj which works with and for the poor and the deprived.

Once I had given away the stuff I felt kind of relieved. Partly because I had finally reached a decision and partly because I had less clutter at the house now :)

But why am I talking about all these things which happened more than 4 months ago? Because of an incident that happened last week, a feeling that I went through because of that incident. A thought that crossed my mind and hubby's too when I told him about my feelings. I saw Betu walking towards the house along with his dad last week from a distance. And I kind of felt a sudden lump in my throat. Because my baby did not seem like a baby anymore. He was looking like such a big boy. A really grown up boy. And damn, I missed the baby factor in him. And I thought to myself, we need to get another baby in the house :)

I spoke to hubby again that night about the second child and he agreed that there are times when he wants to have another baby too! In fact about 2 months ago even Betu had shown the desire of having a little baby in the house which will stay with us and not go away as he had seen with little babies visiting us. He would be so so heart broken whenever they would go back with their parents. He would cry and plead for them to stay back with us. And despite us trying to tell him that the baby needs to go back with his/her parents like he stays with his, he just would not listen to us and continue to wail.

So now again we are in a dilemma about the second child. However, there is a difference from the last time. Last time the dilemma was to have a second child or not. But this time we know we SHALL have a second child and the dilemma is WHEN?

Since I've recently gotten back to job, I know I don't want to get pregnant for another 5-6 months. Plus I joke with hubby that my expiry date is nearing, since I'm going to be 33 this year, so we need to decide fast :D

But I am sure that next year will see a new baby in our house :)


  1. WOW ..thats great news ..I am already waiting for Sneha :-)

  2. Good Luck! Isn't that the best thing of life, to be able to make and change your decisions :)

    And don't worry about the patience factor, I'm sure it will come.


  3. I'm so happy to hear this. You know, the thing is: yes, you will not have it easy with two children. But, when is life easy? And do we want to have it easy? As long as you can decide upon it, it is the best way you can have.
    And believe me, it will not be the same as the four months without a job and without child at home. You will enjoy your time with the baby, like you did the last time. From what I keep hearing from mothers who get preggy second time, it is even more intense, as many of them know that probably there will be no third time. And then you are more experienced. And your DH is ready to help you out.
    Sneha is a nice name, but let's see :)

  4. Congrats about reaching a decision.......thats is the toughest will be easy.:)

  5. congratz on teh decision :) all teh best with teh second babay :) betu wil surely like a pay mate ...

  6. Wowee! Congrats on the decision, and all the best for the rest.

  7. Hi ~nm,
    Delurking finally - this was a lovely post. All the best, and maybe we shall meet in real life one of these days :-). Your son seems like a real charmer - hope my baby grows up to be a bit like him.
    Mala (in Delhi)

  8. @all: I hope I, rather we, do not change our minds again :P

    Mala: Hey, welcome on my blog! And hope to see many more comments from you ;) I saw that you haven't started writing as such. Start soon girl and record all these things our little ones do! You would love to read them later! Trust me on that! :)

  9. Great decision... you go girl... now waiting for the news :)

  10. yay!!! more power to hum do hamaare do families!!

    i so believe in them completely!! i guess i will be nearing the age you are now by the time i have 2nd too!!

    am sure anirudh will be a doting and adorable bada bhaiyaa!!

    am so excited already!! have gossebumps!! :)




  11. Amen!!

    I have completed the Nice Matters Award tag(finally!)

    No way that u look 33!!

  12. Congrats on your decision !! It is really a tough one to decide, as I see around me so many couples doing that.

    Now stick to your decision, betu will definitely love it !! I am waiting to hear the good news and when it is conveyed to betu and then his reaction afterwards. :D

    Achha yahan to naamkaran bhi ho gaya hai !! :P

    Ha Ha...

    Hail blogworld !!


  13. Oh forgot to say,,, Very nicely written !! Conveyed the emotions well. :-)

  14. So stop blogging and get into the action ;) so we can hear the good news.

  15. hanging out with the doula gang did this to you, isn't it?! in all seriousness though, I am sure you wont regret the decision...good luck!

  16. Wow!! Really want to do a little dance out here :) Somehow I had missed your posts about the dilemma abt having/not having a second child. I just thought anytime now, nm should be breaking the good news. I even joked abt it some time back in the comments remember. But I am SO GLAD u took that decision. I am an only child and ask me what it is like to be one. I would say just forget abt urself and do it for Anirudh. His happiness is going to fill the entire household with happiness, nahin? And pg is right in saying there's a difference between being at house alone, seeing off DH and son and being at house with a baby.
    Once again can't tell u how happy I am. Shall wait for the news :) And much good luck ..I hope ur dream of having a girl comes true and that u have an easy peasy pregnancy.

  17. @all: Come on guys! Take a chill pill! Stop getting so excited about it! There are at least 4-5 months before I can break the news of me being preggo. AT LEAST if not more! :)

    But its sure so much fun to see you all so excited about it. Getting all your comments through out the day has kept a grin on my face all through!

  18. Shame shame...

    Replying to comments this late ??
    You should have been with your man, come on now.. he must be waiting. :P

    Ha Ha ha..... aaj kisi ko chhedne ka mauka mila hai. :P


  19. Am late here. Woman, I can't keep up with the speed of your posts ;)
    Seriously, going for a second kid or not is a personal decision only a parent can make. But still, it felt sad while reading the first part as I am all for siblings, then I read the twist. Whoa!!!! As Shobana says, get going girl. See, if you can get so much attention in the planning phase, guess how much love we will shower on you when you announce :)

  20. Well, Two kids are greater fun at times. More responsibility of course, but the age that your son is on, it will be great for you as well as him. My daughter was 4 when I had my son. As an older child, she was lot more responsible and caring for the younger one.

  21. Wow! You know you've reached the right decision when you're at peace with it, and don't feel the need to rethink it every few months. All the best!

  22. now this did bring a smile to my face..

    all i can add is that a sibling will bring a nice positive change in anirudh's world...

    now what are you waitiong for? just do it, gurl


  23. All the Very Best!! Waiting eagerly for the good news :D

  24. its catching, it sure is-,this MTB bizness. :-D
    glad to hear you've made and are at peace with your decison,~Nm. :-)