Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Being judgemental? Whats wrong with it?

About 10 days ago we all went along with BIL and his wife to Dilli Haat at night. It was a Monday if I'm not wrong. The weather was chilly enough to wear a cotton shawl for adults and cold enough to wear full sleeved clothing plus a thin jacket or half sweater for kids. As were were strolling around I saw 2 twin girls. They were quite cute but I was shocked to see them in sleeveless frocks. And I saw the parents themselves wearing full sleeved shirts. I just shook my head at such stupidity/carelessness of parents.

About 5 mins later when we sat down to eat some goodies at the Maharashtra stall, I just talked about this to Hubby and the BIL-SIL. I didn't know that the Mother of those twins was sitting next to our table. And she heard whatever I said about her girls and about them. So when her husband came back with their order to their table, she started talking in loud angry tone as to how people have no sense to mind their own business and repeated whatever I had said.

I was shocked. Shocked because had I known she was sitting just next to us I wouldn't have talked about it at all. I have this much common sense for sure. And at that moment I even decided to apologise to her and to tell her that the idea was not to demean her in any way. But then she kept something like "These bloody people don't have manners and poke their nose in other peoples lives etc etc" I don't remember the exact words but when I heard her using the words like bloody I decided I do not want to apologise to her. She didn't deserve it. All the 10 minutes we were sitting there she just kept going on and on and talking in such rough manner. The mother took my statements as if I intentionally said so because I knew she was sitting nearby and so that she hears it. I just shook my head in disbelief at her outrage. Hubby also later said that he also thought of apologising but looking at her language and attitude he decided not to and that she wasn't being mature enough to realise her mistake.

However later I wondered if I was wrong somewhere about judging people and things I saw and talking about them. I know that day I talked about it at inopportune moment and situation but then I was not aware of the presence of the family next to us. But on the whole is it wrong for us to judge people in other circumstances? Should we genuinely make an effort not to say anything about others? Should we just see what it is and just keep it in our minds? I wonder....

What would you have done if you were in my place in that situation? How do you feel about judging others and talking about it openly (not in front of the people you were judging of course :D )?


  1. Its a difficult question.
    While I think it is not right to judge others, still its an inherent human trait. I doubt if there is anyone who doesnt judge... Havent some of you done tag on this? :)

    But that woman's words are certainly not justified.

  2. The trouble is... there are rude people in the world, and there are polite ones.

    In a public place, there is always a possibility that the person who you are talking about might be the one next to you. So I'd be very careful with my wording. I always find it sad to see a 'grown-up' using bad language.

    I think I wouldn't have spoken out loud as you did - not that I'm blaming you - but I think I have been in similar situations in the past - uttered something without realizing someone's presence, that sort of thing. Things are clearer in hindsight. And they make you wary and more careful for 'the next time'.

    Actually, I don't even think that you were 'judging' anybody.... if I saw two girls running around in sleeveless dresses in cold weather, I would find it odd too.

  3. Mummyjaan : Yes, I've learned my lesson well! :D No such blunders ever from me.

  4. Oh boy! Yes, I gues you will not make that mistake so easily again!
    I guess nobody would have been able to go and say sorry if she used bad and insulting language. Althoug I wonder what exactly did you say...

    Judging others is in my opinion very natural and a trait shown by animals as well. This way we try to put our thoughts and experiences into order. Categorise them. But that is what also leads to what we call: prejudices. They also depend on our experiences which we go through in our day to day lives. It was a primal instinct of survival...... once upon a time.

  5. The mistake: of being loud and not having looked around.
    Not that you think that speaking about it wrong. Don't even give it a thought that it is wrong to discuss about it. Yes, if you had declared the mother as being a bad mom because of that, well, then.... I don't know! ;)

  6. I'm as straightforward as you, hehe. If I think someone's doing something wrong, I tend to have a rather harsh reaction. Then I shrug it off with, "They'll learn", or just "let it be".

    I don't think you did anything wrong, and I also think it's the other woman's insecurity about her actions that makes her retaliate so harshly. If she had her reasons, she would be laughing rather than screeching.
    So, yeah. Let them be.

    Swearing without need is just wrong. I know I swear a lot, but I know to maintain my limits in front of children.

  7. well, all I can say is..."Bad timing" thats it. :-)

    Definitely that lady was rude and also STUPID :-) , but trust me her outburst suggests that you clearly hit her where it hurts most :-) :-)

    Whatever, for sure she'll never forget your comments and will dress her kids better in future.. :-)

    No need to change anything abt yourself, its fun judging :-)
    Everyone judges everyone but very few like you have courage to say :-)

  8. Babers, in my humble opinion, you hit the nail square on HER pea-sized head. Bravo!

    When it comes to kids, the elderly and animals, theres no excuse for irresponsible behavior. None. Plus you didn't say things out loud with malicious intent, or to hurt her deliberately, you were making casual conversation with your folks about something that WOULD bother any parent. If she heard that and couldn't take it in the spirit it was intended then she's an insecure guilty moron. :P

    Chillax. I never stop to think twice when I think all and sundry need my pearls of wisdom... I just let loose! I'm proud of you. *hugs*


  9. PG : I was just telling hubby, BIL and SIL that I just saw 2 little twins in sleeveless dresses in this weather and that the parents themselves were wearing full sleeves. Thats it. We didn't discuss anything more and we started to eat our food. And the next moment we hear is a volcano erupting :)

  10. stone: it will be fun for me if she will remember my comment whenever she's dressing up her lil ones! :D Gives me a ind of an evil pleasure!

  11. I think the point about that lady being insecure/weird is right. It seems such a tiny remark to set off a 'volcano', you know. V

  12. oo, missed this one.
    i would have been careful about the phrasing possibly, or how loud i made the comment, but yea, i'm guilty of having commented with something like this.
    i'm trying harder not to be judgemental though. and i'm sure you are too :)

  13. Interesting.
    First to speak of clothes, my son refuses another layer of clothing and sometimes we go out fully covered with our son running with next to nothing. dh is very stubborn and will make my son wear even if it means creating a nasty scene whereas i am more relaxed and at most times i give in to my son and will let him run around in nothing, if that is what he wants.
    That said, judging is bad. Cuz i can say the samething to someone else but if someone else says the same thing to me, i am sad. But that said, judging makes life interesting. What if we just cannot form opinions about ourselves and others and air it out? As long as we hate the sin and not the sinner. As long as we know it is casual banter, as long as we are not huring someone's soul as making someone feel bad is a crime. Just as you made the lady feel bad, she did the same to you. I would be upset, but keep it to myself and probably cried at home and let my dh knows that the lady sitting in the hotel said that. She had her reasons and so did you and yes you can write :)