Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Feeling vindicated for my Ma!

One day out of the blue when I was looking at my younger sister's kid's pictures, suddenly I felt so overwhelmed and somehow got a feeling that we, her four daughters, have vindicated our Ma! Vindicated? Ma? "How" and "what for" must be the words resonating in your minds.

I don't even know if vindicating is the right word to use for my feeling. We were four daughters to our parents. For the society we live in, it wasn't a great situation for them. "Four daughters?? OMG!! No son!! How sad...", "Ek ladka hota to achha hota!" etc..etc. That's the kind of remarks that we used to hear. We had been hearing them all the time but started to comprehend them quite later as we grew up. Before that it just meant having a brother to tie rakhi's to. When I started understanding those comments I wanted to get back to those people then and there. But Ma wouldnt let me saying they are our elders and we shouldn't talk back to them. But hearing such comments for Ma used to make me soooooooo very angry and how I wished then that I could have been a grown up person then to defend her..stand by her...comfort her..be a wall between her and the people who said these things...and tell those stupid people to go mind their own business.

I guess I can go on and on about the girl child issue and rather would write about it some day but currently it will deviate me from the thought behind this post. Now so many years later, her four daughters have a son each! Not one, not two, but all of her four daughters are mothers to a male child! If she had been here, I'm sure she must have swelled with pride. On second thoughts..would she? No. I don't think so. yes I'm sure about it. It never bothered her then that we were girls so why would she have been any different now. For her our children would be just her adorable, lovable grandchildren.

I don't know why I feel so but the fact of the matter is I do! Probably because the thinking of our previous generation and even today's generation is still the same. No change despite better education, better living styles. Nopes. Zilch. I still remember the comments I heard from people after I had my son. "Good that the first child is a boy! Now you don't have to worry whatever your 2nd child is whether a girl or a boy!" When we, me and DH, used to talk to the baby as a girl (when I was still pregnant) and would tell people that how we have thought of a name for the baby for a girl, we would hear statements like "Yeah, whatever the child is its good as long as they are healthy but if its a boy it would be better!" DH used to just ignore such statements. They never bothered him. But I would get so very angry listening to them.

I don't have seperate set of emotions whether the child I'm looking at is a girl or a boy. Do you? For us i.e. me and my sisters, they are just our adorable kids..whom we started loving even before they were born. For us the factor of a boy or girl comes into the picture only probably when we go buying for clothes and toys for them :D

Probably I'm getting influenced by the people around me..the comments they make. I have lost count of how many times I've heard this statement from so many people "She didn't have a son herself but all her daughter's have sons!" or "How happy she would have been to see her four boy grandchildren!"

I don't know if my feeling of being victorious for Ma is right or wrong. I don't even know if I should feel this way at all. What I surely know is even though Ma is not with us now, she would be so happy and contented to see her lovely grandchildren from up there. Probably she even comes down when we are unaware to caress and kiss her grandchildren!


  1. Yes , Each one of us have witnessed people showing pity for a couple with only girl child.And I have seen people looking at me with shock and surprise when I told them I want a baby girl.
    I remember those childhood days when my aunt was about to deliver and she had second girl child and i was the only one who jumped in joy. Others , they said they are happy ..but may be at that young age , I expected them to be happier.
    I know a person who had our sisters followed by a brother and she feared while giving birth to her second child , whether she would have inherited the same. I really wish we can get out of this.
    We , means all of us , which includes people from our generation too. Whether our kids care for us when grown ups doenot depend on they are girl or boy but it depends on how we bring them up and how they feel about us when they grow up.

    I am sure your Ma would have been happy even if you all had a girl child, coz she knows that her girls have never let her down.

  2. hi bhabhi!!! this was a beautiful piece... i and neha were the only 2 daughters so we have heard same things you wrote here when we went to see relatives. i am always thankful to our army-life for sparing us all such crap.

    thank god that our moms have given us an educated and un-discriminatory upbringing so that we are able to see the world the way we do... the right way. and our love for her grows as we grow older and more wise...

    ohh and about the rakhi... to this date, all 4 of us tie rakhis to each other. afterall its the thought that counts :-)